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I, Nicholas Obama

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My name is Nicholas Obama. I am the illegitimate son of the illegitimate president of these United States. I have long remained hidden under the witness protection program using the false name Robert Bruens (or 'Robbie' to my friends). But after my father gave what he claims is his final State of the Union address, I felt I could hide no longer. So here I am, Nicholas Obama, here to tell you my story for the first time. Me me, I'm Nicholas Obama You will notice I used the word illegitimate twice in a rather inflammatory way. I will explain. I am an illegitimate boy because Barack Obama (or as I call him, Obummer ) fathered me outside of the holy compact of marriage. My mother is not Michelle Obama. My biological mother is Harriet Albania, a former child prostitute from South Africa. She is presently an antigovernment dissident living in Venezuela. I haven't spoke to her in months. Barack Obama aka 'Obummer' aka 'Ali Jamal Hassan' as he is known