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Showing posts from 2016

These Bland White Men Are Movie Stars For Some Reason

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Chris Evans Chris Evan is perfect for the role of Captain America because just like Captain America, Chris Evan is an utterly boring shell. He's a hollow white male mascot with nothing to say. Therefore he's a perfect avatar to represent diversity in Hollywood circa 2016. Sam Worthington Speaking of avatar, Sam Worthington starred in Avatar. The highest-grossing movie of all time. Everyone saw  Avatar , right? I will remind you, Avatar (apparently) starred Sam Worthington, at least if we're going to believe IMDb.com. How would you describe Sam Worthinton? Can you remember anything about him? Anything at all? Well, here's one thing I can say about Sam Worthinston. By virtue of his being a total non-entity, Sam Worthington is the only actor capable of making Giovanni Ribisi believable as a dynamic, menacing villain. Giovanni Ribisi. From Friends . Aaron Taylor-Johnson The new Godzilla movie was going to be great until Bryan Cranston died 15 minutes

Little Marco and Big Trump: A Dom/Sub Slashfic

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“Damn it, Donald! I was supposed to be the chosen one!” Little Marco sat across the desk from the man who looked likely to end his political career that evening. Big Trump appeared casual but confident, barrel-chested with strong-looking rounded shoulders that rested easily on the luxuriously appointed leather swivel chair.  "Don't worry about it, Little Marco...it'll all be over soon. I've beat you so many times it's gonna be a relief to you now that you're finished, believe me. Once you endorse we'll figure out how you're gonna serve in my administration, since you can't go back to Florida after I embarrass you in front of everyone there. Maybe you can be my FEMA Administrator...wait, you're too much of a choker for that, aren't you -" "I'm not a choker! And stop calling me Little Marco!" How Little Marco hated his debased desire for Big Trump's embrace! He looked down, averting his eyes from the en

ALL-CAPS eXpLoSIoN of FEEELINGS Regarding the Fact that People STILL WON'T Just SHUT UP and VOTE FOR HILLARY Already, It's Her Turn, Okay?

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As Bernie Sanders has Hillary Clinton have become opponents, their residents have begun attacking each other. And things have gotten ugly. I can't believe when you combine politics and the internet that the results are anything less than civil, cordial and polite! For many of us, it's not simply politics as usual. There's never been a major party nomination fight between a female candidate and a male candidate who also would be a historical first if he were elected president. Except for last time. For me, the backlash against Hillary Clinton feels very, very personal. Because she's my bae . Wait, I mean my abuela. Wait, what should I call her to make this go viral? Can you imagine how Hillary must feel for a minute? After all, in a country where 47 million people live in poverty, we should be really be concerned about the emotional state of a multimillionaire celebrity who once again aspires to be president and is giving up her former job giving speeches to ban

I, Nicholas Obama

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My name is Nicholas Obama. I am the illegitimate son of the illegitimate president of these United States. I have long remained hidden under the witness protection program using the false name Robert Bruens (or 'Robbie' to my friends). But after my father gave what he claims is his final State of the Union address, I felt I could hide no longer. So here I am, Nicholas Obama, here to tell you my story for the first time. Me me, I'm Nicholas Obama You will notice I used the word illegitimate twice in a rather inflammatory way. I will explain. I am an illegitimate boy because Barack Obama (or as I call him, Obummer ) fathered me outside of the holy compact of marriage. My mother is not Michelle Obama. My biological mother is Harriet Albania, a former child prostitute from South Africa. She is presently an antigovernment dissident living in Venezuela. I haven't spoke to her in months. Barack Obama aka 'Obummer' aka 'Ali Jamal Hassan' as he is known