Friday, November 9, 2012

Whining White Pieces of Shit

"Comic opera." - Lancaster Dodd
From left to right: Whining White Pieces of Shit
Behold the outrage generated by that most outlandish breed of reactionary, the Whining White Piece of Shit:
When I'm at the Wal-mart or grocery story I typically pay with my debit card. On the pad it comes up, "EBT, Debit, Credit, Cash." I make it a point to say loudly to the check-out clerk, "EBT, what is that for?" She inevitably says, "it's government assistance." I respond, "Oh, you mean welfare? Great. I work for a living. I'm paying for my food with my own hard-earned dollars. And other people get their food for free." And I look around with disgust, making sure others in line have heard me.
In response to President Obama's reelection yesterday, the Whining White Piece of Shit quoted above plans to boycott any business that accepts food stamps among other measures intending to show his absolute contempt for all Obama supporters and for the government programs with which this Whining White Piece of Shit disagrees. If this Whining White Piece of Shit meets any Obama voter in the street, he will shun that person immediately and spit at the ground to register his disgust.

Last night, another Whining White Piece of Shit sat down across from me on the train and proceeded to open his laptop and blare tuneless metal songs to everyone sitting in his vicinity. At one point, the Whining White Piece of Shit carefully withdrew a dollar bil and proceeded to wipe his forehead and face with it. Initially confused by his abnormal behavior, I realized he was a Whining White Piece of Shit only when I stood up to leave the train and glanced back in his direction to read giant black capital letters spelling out "Ryan Rubio 2016 Save Us" filling the entirety of his laptop screen. This Whining White Piece of Shit was having a quasi-psychotic tantrum due to Obama's reelection. The particulars were different but the condition was much the same as in previous case.

Whining White Pieces of Shit believe that undocumented immigrants ("illegals," in their parlance) get free health care and all sorts of other handouts from the government. They believe that fully half of the country is shiftless and irresponsible. In the words of their recently fallen standard bearer, this massive cohort of parasitic Americans has the temerity to feel "entitled to health care, to food, to housing, to you-name-it."

This is not just a series of anecdotes. One of the two major political parties in the United States now bases its entire political appeal on feeding the feelings of resentment, victimization and self-pity that course through the veins of Whining White Pieces of Shit all over this great land. The Supreme Court has just heard a case brought by a Whining White Piece of Shit who is convinced that the undue privileges of racial minorities, and not her subpar SAT scores, were what prevented her from attending the University of Texas. And there's hilarious pictorial evidence of this phenomenon as well.

But in addition to being pretty funny and undeniably pathetic, it's also the main reason we can't have a serious conversation about climate change even as the effects of global warming become ever more apparent. It's the reason we aren't employing the massive idle resources in our depressed economy to rebuild our decaying infrastructure. It's the reason we have to talk seriously about the trivialization of rape. It's the reason we have to fight for our right to vote. In short, it really blows to be stuck in the same real world as Whining White Pieces of Shit who spend most of their time living in a fantasy world where they lack all privilege and African-Americans, Latinos and young people have everything handed to them on a silver platter.

I just hope and pray that I never become a Whining White Piece of Shit myself.

1 comment:

  1. Can't forget about the whiny white piece of shit who fired 22 workers because the president got reelected. So glad to see that guy helping the economy, you know? :)