Bruce Pharaoh

Music for the Greatest Gregory You Know

Tap your foot on the upper trough of the toilet; welcome the dogs as they run in from the yard and then try to make your knuckles bleat.
2002

Sounds for a Young Draftee

Cry out in a malthouse. Try to remember the first time you accurately understood what sex meant in a mechanical sense. If you own maracas, shake them during both these actions. If not, snap your fingers.
1967

Asphyxiation Sonata

Four onlookers bury their heads in large bowls of appetizing salad while a couple discusses the terms of their impending divorce in the foreground. Waiters and stewardesses enter and exit seemingly at random. Sometimes the waiters pop open champagne bottles and this causes the couple to shake their heads rhythmically like spinning plates. Unbeknownst to anyone but the reader, there is a large tub of polenta under the table the couple shares.
1984

Hermione Spins (trans. needed)

Monster trucks rev their engines vaingloriously while a small girl crawls into a nearby doghouse and attempts to start playing a vinyl record on an ancient gramophone. There are professional photographers shooting the monster trucks from a very distant vantage point.
2005